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29 July 2011 @ 01:06 pm
Too Silly Not To Share  
A few months ago someone gave me a folder full of 'survival tips' in text, html and pdf files (they also gave me a folder full of cookbooks they'd found online over the years) about a wide range of disasters or just living off the land. I didn't really get a chance to look at them until today after I noticed there were fishing tips in the folder and D is obsessed with fishing so I started looking at the files in order to copy them on mom's computer.

One of the files was called '10 Things To Remember' and it turned out to more humor than actually about survival tips. I figured I'd share in case anyone else needed a laugh.

Subj : 10 things to remember

A list of ten items related to backcountry has been prepared,
based on various threads. The viewpoints expressed are those
of a greybeard, with grumpy old man appearances, but with a
genuinely warped sense of humor.

1. Don't do stupid things.

2. Don't pee in the stream. WHATSAMMATTU! Geez! Come on guys!
It doesn't matter about biology--it's just not the thing to
do!

3. Don't mix bears and pepper spray! Protect yourself against
bears (and other critters) by learning about them, and
referring to item 1 above.

4. Don't take your pistols backpacking for "bear protection".
See 1 and 3 above.

5. Don't wear a baseball hat backwards! (For you beach cities
types, backwards means with the bill in the back!)
1. IMYLFS! (It makes you look f*cking stupid)
2. You end up with a half moon spot sunburned into your
forehead such that everyone knows you are stupid.

6. Don't wear short-shorts over your leotards or spandex/lycra/etc
shorts.

IMYLFS!
The longer stuff goes on top!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Stallone started the trend in "Rocky", but "Rocky" was so
punch drunk, he forgot that the shorts go underneath!)

7. There is nothing wrong with a clogged filter! Would you prefer
to drink that crap, or clean it out of your filter!
(By the way, the Katadyn is a great filter!)

8. Don't cross the double yellow lines while driving in the
mountains! In California, it is conventional for the "inside"
car on a turn to make way, so that the "outside" car can
straddle the double yellow line while rounding the turn.
Don't do it! See 1 above.

9. Don't take your damn dogs backpacking. There is no reason
that I should be attacked by a Doberman in Dusy Basin, just
because the poor thing needs fresh air and exercise. (Ok, so
the owner did keep him 50 yards from the National Park
boundary. Big deal.)

10. Don't run around legal campsite areas "nekkid"! Although, I
did enjoy striking up a conversation last summer with two nude
beautiful blond German chicks at Lake Ediza, my wife informed
me that I violated rule number 1.

Originally posted here. Feel free to comment there using OpenID if you don't have an account.| comments
 
 
moodswing: busybusy
 
 
 
BrnEyesbrneyestx on July 29th, 2011 04:00 pm (UTC)
ROFLOL.. think I may have done #1 & 5 a few times back packing in my 20's in Zion.. :D
ninja007ninja007 on July 30th, 2011 01:53 am (UTC)
I've always hated the California references. Not everyone in California lives in LA or San Francisco. I've lived in the San Joaquin Valley all my life. I've grown up in the country and knew how to saddle a horse by the time I was ten (just wasn't big enough to do it on my own). I live in an area with farmers and ranchers. We ALL talk with a drawl. I wore cowboy boots or ropers for too many years. Same with Wranglers.

Enough all ready.
ninja007ninja007 on July 30th, 2011 01:54 am (UTC)
PS
It was funny until the California comment. Sorry Chica. It's a VERY sore spot where we live and will get you into a fight. Just FYI...