In some respects they're right. I am worthless and that it should have been me instead of Tina. She had kids that need her and I had no one other than my brother's kids and they don't actually need me since they have their parents. I'm the one that has wanted to not necessarily kill myself but permanently escape reality because I'm useless to everyone, even myself. The stories I've always made up in my head are so much better. I used to do as much acid as I could hoping that I'd take the "right" batch and I'd never come back. No such luck.
Tina should have been here. Between her and mom I know these kids wouldn't be as bad as they are now. Mom tries her best but between them they've worn her down and now she has to pick her battles. She has chest pains and migraines more than once a week and I know that mom probably won't be here this time next year.
But I'm going to be alive and alone.