I can’t seem to warm myself. Rubbing my hands against one another, every few microts, doesn’t seem to help, as I stand just inside the transport doors. The tight fitting gloves aren’t enough. I, we, never had this problem before. At least, I never noticed until I was forced to take that final step towards control.
I glance to my side, and there is still confusion and uncertainty in Aeryn’s face, the Peacekeeper standing rigidly, shoulder brushing mine. After all that she and Crichton had suffered together, her reaction is understandable. I have seen confusion upon of all of their faces since I first approached them with the idea.
At times, it almost feels as if Crichton is still in here with me, straining to make his voice known, but that voice has been long quieted – gone with that final kiss to Aeryn, on Qujaga. I actually miss him. It appears we spent too much time together.
I almost feel compassion, regret. But I must not allow his friends to know that Crichton did not survive the process to revive him. We had developed a companionable working relationship at one time, almost a friendship if you will. While my first loyalty has always lain with Scorpius, and the destruction of the Scarrans, I also felt a loyalty towards John. Although reluctant, he had proved to be a genial host on most occasions. As generous with his memories as he was with most things.
I will serve both these loyalties to the best of my abilities. John Crichton may not have survived, but his memories are still very much intact. How this is possible, I do not know, but I will use them to safeguard the Sebacean race. I had never considered that I would one day be someone’s mate, much less a father. I will raise Crichton’s child and stand by Aeryn’s side. I will do that for him, and hope that I am doing the right thing.
Scorpius will be astonished when he learns that it is I who inhabits this body. I, myself, alone. That was not his purpose when he implanted the necessary information that made me stronger. Scorpius respects John Crichton for his will, his tenacity. On some levels, it equaled his own.
Perhaps that is why I survived, and John didn’t. If Scorpius hadn’t carried out the procedure when Sun – John’s protector – was ill, would I also have been destroyed along with the human’s personality? His mind. The thought has kept me awake on several occasions, on those long nights when I lie by Aeryn’s side.
Ka D’Argo receives clearance to exit the pod, and he nods curtly towards the opening doors. Standing together, waiting as the doors swing open, I know I will lead them all to safer, more secure lives. This is what Crichton would have wanted, and, I want it too.
Crichton will be proud of all I will accomplish in his name.