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16 June 2009 @ 04:33 pm
holy fuck  
I started doing a search to see if my ex-husband is truly my "ex" last night since I've never been able to afford a divorce from him. Didn't really find an answer that (lying bastard search sites) but I did find court records for several restraining orders against him for domestic violence over the last decade and I've found his drivers license and last address as of March (which is not surprisingly in the crack-town area of the neighboring town). He only lives 10 miles from me if he hasn't moved. Freaking weird.

I am reeeeally glad I left him when I did. Now the question is: how do you go up to someone like that and say 'hey, did you happen to ever divorce me? cuz i'd really like to get married to my girlfriend and have a really happy life and also throw away this shitty ass last name i've been stuck with for the last 18 1/2 years.' (no, i don't have a girlfriend at this time but i'd just love to say that because i'm evil that way.)
 
 
moodswing: exhaustedexhausted
 
 
 
tejastejas on June 16th, 2009 05:23 pm (UTC)
You should have been served with papers if he divorced you. You should be able to check your state's family law statutes to make sure if that's a requirement where you live.

If worst comes to worst, just go ahead and do it yourself and let the county/state figure it out.
Kazkazbaby on June 16th, 2009 05:33 pm (UTC)
Actually, I wouldn't have been served with papers seeing as he didn't and doesn't know where I live. After I first left him, I left the state because he was stalking me and freaking me the fuck out. Once I left Job Corps (they knew that he was stalking me and had hit me a couple times and kept him off campus) I didn't move back to Florida right away and then lived in other states until 2000.

In this state if you don't know where the other party is you put an ad in the paper for 30 days announcing the intent to divorce and if they don't respond to contest it, you get the divorce granted. Last time I looked into the fees for everything, it was something like $600 because of the ad costs along with the court fees (which is why i've never been able to afford it).
tejastejas on June 16th, 2009 05:53 pm (UTC)
Check the counties you have for his various residences and see if he filed any of them. It should be a matter of public record. There might even be an option at the state level to determine if he did.

ETA:

There is! There is! You can go to this site: http://www.doh.state.fl.us/planning_eval/vital_statistics/marriage.htm and scroll down to the divorce records section. It looks like it'll cost about $5 for them to check and $4 for the paper saying it happened.

Edited at 2009-06-16 09:56 pm (UTC)
Kaz: Back! (Cameron)kazbaby on June 16th, 2009 09:30 pm (UTC)
it's $5/year they search and they're not allowed to give you public information over the phone, i have to fill out a form and mail it in. i'd called them this afternoon.

Edited at 2009-06-17 01:31 am (UTC)
tejastejas on June 16th, 2009 09:44 pm (UTC)
Missed the "per year". Still, you might get lucky and only need them to search a few years.
Una: FS Scorpyscottishlass on June 16th, 2009 05:31 pm (UTC)
Doesn't your state have a registering office? Or the IRS should keep records whether you are divorced or not.
Kazkazbaby on June 16th, 2009 05:36 pm (UTC)
Registering office? If you mean county clerk's office, then yes but divorces are kept with the vital records office in Jacksonville. I called them earlier today and they refused to give that information out over the phone even though its public record. You have to fill out a form and pay $5 for every year they search. *sigh* Which is probably the route I'm going to do.

I think with the IRS you need at least the social security number to find that out and I don't have that info anymore (lost a lot of personal papers about ten years ago).
lemonbombs: leggo_kaerbaer_by_farstickslem0nb0mbs on June 16th, 2009 06:49 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you left him too. Really glad.
Kaz: Innocence Lost (Daniel)kazbaby on June 17th, 2009 01:34 am (UTC)
I had a damn good example of how a marriage can get bad. He only hit me once before I left him but it still took a couple more times before I wrote him off for good.

I told Ivory I really need to write about my relationship with the ex, how I forgave his lies (you will be boggled at them) and stepping out because of a combination of hoping that he'd get better, my naïveté and being cowed. I was with him just over a year because I thought he was my only chance at being loved or being in love before I kicked his ass to the curb.

When I went back to Job Corps to hide from him I said wasn't going to let anyone try to shape me into what they wanted. I was going to be *me* and fuck everyone else.

lemonbombslem0nb0mbs on June 17th, 2009 11:22 am (UTC)
Good for you! Really!
arthurfrdentarthurfrdent on June 17th, 2009 11:35 am (UTC)
Check out your local legal aid services... there are often lawyers that will do this sort of thing cheap as possible. It pays to check it out, because there is a LOT of hearsay out there on what costs what. My sister ran aground of that, because she listened to what all her friends told her about various stuff. In essence they were all partially right in some ways and very wrong in others. It ended up costing her $75 with the help of legal aid... but that's in Texas. So, actually talk to a lawyer, they'll usually talk for free.