Kaz (kazbaby) wrote,

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Denial is not just a river in Egypt *g*

I hate it when I "think". For the past fews weeks, since just before Dad's birthday I've found myself watching shows that I hate because he loved them. My missing him has instead of easing up seems to ready to jump out from just around the corner.

Tonight my brother told me that part of our dad's wishes have been fulfilled and some of his ashes were scattered on his father's grave in Missouri. Our cousin took them up himself since the family members that said they'd do it are unreliable as hell. Unless you count the fact that dad wanted some of his ashes sealed in a Budweiser bottle, that leaves only what I need to do and that is to somehow get his ashes up to Alaska and scatter them. I want to do this more than anything since he gave up his dream to go to Alaska and work in the forestry service because mom became pregnant with me. He'd always told me that it wasn't 'because of me', that he didn't go because he also wanted a family and Alaska was no place to start out.

At least now he's home.

Now if you'll excuse me, it's time to go back into hiding behind fannish love so I don't end up a gibbering idiot.
Tags: dad, personal

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