Kaz (kazbaby) wrote,

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Happy Birthday Daddy

In honor of the first birthday since my dad passed away, I'm posting one of his favorite songs and videos: Cotton-Eyed Joe by Rednex

(seriously the way this song is... it's my dad to a T!)

Father-Daughter relationships are complicated.

My dad loved his family. He loved women and music and his beer. He wasn’t always there for me when I needed him the most, in fact he (and mom) failed me at one of the most important times in my life after someone in our family hurt me in the way no child should. And when I wanted to get that person back, he begged me to not pick up a gun like he did. I listened, albeit reluctantly.

I remember a lot of bad times in my life involved him, but I knew that even when the alcohol made him mean that in his heart he did love us all. It took a damn long time to forgive him for beating my mom, for shooting her (even if he was aiming for her boyfriend at the time), for ramming the car that Catina and I were in during all of this.

But I also remember, and these are the most important things to never ever forget, the nights when I couldn’t sleep because I wasn’t feeling good or had a bad dream and he’d make me some homemade donuts from biscuits (never have figured out how he made the icing out of powdered sugar) or some other treat and got me to talk about other things in order to get my mind off what was wrong. He told me, all of us kids, stories of his family (both true and totally off the rail and insanely made-up). I remember if the lights were out because of a storm all of the adults (his brothers and sisters) would sit around and tell us kids ghost stories and get as all worked up. :D

While his love of original Star Trek didn’t take, we enjoyed the hell out of other tv shows that the rest of the family thought of as stupid.

When he came to live with me in Georgia about 13 years ago, I was working 12 hour nights and he made sure that I actually ate like a normal person and took care of the household business because I really do suck at it. Every Saturday we’d go to the library or the bargain book store and come out with armloads and switch out books whenever we’d finish with one. And when I was finally able to afford a little black/white tv, we’d watch X-Files, Highlander, Hercules, Xena, and Babylon5, and then talk about them for a few hours afterward. I guess you could say my first taste of fandom was with my dad. ;)

He was gone a long time before he passed away. The medications and the cancer and the alcohol killed my dad years before his body decided to finally pay attention and go be with his parents, brothers and daughter.

I miss my dad.

Happy Birthday, Daddy, I love you.

Your Shanny
Tags: birthday, family

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