There were too many new things going on. New apartment, new job, starting school and it was just too damn much. I thought I could do it and I feel like a fucking failure. Liza sort of yelled at me for thinking this by saying it's not my fault that I didn't have the money. It helps but not by much.
Until this point I had only told a couple people. I wasn't even going to tell my family but when mom called and asked me about school I couldn't lie to her, but I begged her to not tell anyone else. In particular my dad. I want him to go on being proud of me until he finally passes on. The only thing that mom got onto me for was not calling her and asking for money for food. I told her I don't want her money, she's got her own bills and the kids were about to start school and she needed it for their supplies. She told me to shut up and wanted to know where the western union was near me.
I'm making this post public because I've made all my other school posts public, but I'm locking off comments because I really don't want to talk about it anymore. Every time I think about it I end up in tears and pissed off at myself. It's my own damn fault for listening to the admissions advisor and believing her hype when I'd wanted to wait until January in the first place.