Author's Note:I can't believe I let Ixchup talk me into writing another part in that houseguest from hell series. This turned out really fucked up, but it made me laugh, oh well.
Disclaimer:Not mine. If it was, we'd have a Farscape channel.
Maybe Not Just Another Day
Throwing his keys on the hall table, John noticed it was a little quiet in the house, walking into the front room; he was surprised not to see Scorpius sitting around watching TV as usual. ‘Definitely got to get that man a hobby.’ He thought as he reached for the answering machine.
“You have two new messages,” the computer generated voice informed him.
He was surprised to hear an unfamiliar woman’s voice, “Scooorpius, I’m still waiting for you. You naughty boy…you will have to be appropriately punished for making me wait.”
“Who the frell was that?” He heard Aeryn ask behind him, shrugging his shoulders, “I don’t know, but I’m about to find out here in just a minute.”
At that moment the second message played, “Commander Crichton, this is Agent Daweeb, your ‘charge’ has slipped from our sight again. I need not tell you the importance of keeping him out of trouble.” The message ended with a small beep.
Sighing, he looked back at Aeryn, “Why the hell do I have to do their job?”
“I don’t know…it’s your government. I’m still waiting for you to explain to me how they work.”
“I don’t think anyone really knows how they work,” he said with a small chuckle. Spotting a card next to the phone, he picked it up.
Night Haven Club
release your inner demon tonight
1313 Freaky Deeky Dr.
“Umm…this isn’t good.” He said showing Aeryn the card as started to take off her coat.
As she read it, she asked, “What is it?”
"I hope it’s a nightclub, but I just don’t like anything to do with Scorpius and releasing inner demons.”
Sighing, she pulled her coat back over her shoulders and buttoning it over her growing stomach, “Well…we better go get him.”
“Naw, you’re tired. Why don’t you stay here and I’ll go fetch him.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah…you might as well take advantage of having the house to yourself for once.”
“I would much rather take advantage of you with the house to ourselves.” She said with a seductive whisper as she reached her arms around his waist.
Running his hands over her back, he smiled, “Hmm…maybe I don’t have to go just yet.”
At that moment the phone rang, groaning Aeryn reached over and picked it up, “Hello…yes, he’s here.”
Handing the phone to John, “It’s Agent Daweeb.”
Rolling his eyes, John took the phone from her, “Yes Agent…I’m going now. Yes…Yes…I know where he’s at, “ He listened for a moment, “No, there won’t be any need for that. All right…goodbye.”
Hanging up the phone, “What an ass!”
Tearing himself away from Aeryn’s arms, he looked at her, “Okay, it looks like I have to go get him back here or their going to jack in surveillance to keep an eye on him.”
Picking up the card with the club address, he smiled, “I should be back here in an hour and we can finish what we started.”
“Definitely going to finish this,” Aeryn said as she patted him on the rear end.
Looking at her as he picked up his car keys, he thought, ‘I think I’m starting to like these pregnancy hormones.’
Going outside, he climbs into his ‘62 T-bird. Backing out of the driveway, he turns in the direction of the club.
Driving past the club, he saw an assortment of people dressed in varying shades of either black or gray clothing and lots of eyeliner.
Shaking his head, “Why am I not surprised?” He whispers to himself.
Parking his car, he walked to the entrance of the club. A large, muscle bound man stepped in front of him. “Where you going buddy?”
Point to the door, “Just popping in and getting someone.”
The bouncer looked him up and down, “Not dressed like that you ain’t.”
“What’s wrong with the way I’m dressed?” He asked as he looked down at his jeans and shirt.
Nodding his head in the crowd’s direction, “Dress code.”
Sighing in frustration, John turned around and walked back to the car. As he pulled away, he spotted Scorpius’ friends, Gambit, DRD-In-Leather, Korgg, Kristoph, mtrx, and PKBarbie, all piled into a Humvee driving off in the opposite direction. He debated whether to chase them down, but figured it would be better to go change, come back and get the pain in his butt. He knew he had to hurry or the government was going to start putting in surveillance equipment in tonight, and he and Aeryn would never get any privacy.
After pulling into the driveway, he ran into the house and up the stairs. As he entered the bedroom, he heard Aeryn’s voice, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…I just need to get something.” He said opening up the closet doors. Pushing things aside, he pulled out his leather duster and threw it on the bed.
“Aeryn, where are my leather pants?”
He could hear her standing up in the bath, “Top of the closet. Why?”
Finding them, he quickly began changing clothes, “Stupid really…I’ll explain when I get back.” Pulling the black T over his head, he grabbed his jacket and walked to the bathroom as Aeryn was coming out. Looking in the mirror, he tilted his head trying to judge his appearance. Reaching down, he picked up a can of mousse and filled his hand with the foam, running his hands through his hair, he debated for a moment on if he should use the eyeliner to fit in more. ‘There ain’t no way in hell, ‘ he finally decided.
“What in the frell is going on…is there any trouble.” Aeryn asked as he turned to her standing in the doorway.
“Just a stupid dress code for the club. I’ll explain more when I get home.” Kissing her on the lips, he went back down to his car.
Walking back to the entrance, the bouncer scrutinized him a moment before letting him in.
It was hard to make out details once he was inside due to the fog and flashing strobe lights. He could see bodies writhing together in a chaotic chorography to the music playing through the sound system; he thought it might be Rob Zombie’s ‘More Human Than A Human.’
John made his way through the crowd searching for Scorpius, by the time he was on his second circuit, he was becoming extremely ticked off from being pushed and shoved around.
Spotting a waitress, John walked over to her, leaning close he asked, “I’m looking for a friend…head to toe leather, goes by Sco…”
“Scorpy?” She smiled as she said the name.
“Yeah! You seen him?”
“I saw him go up the stairs with Mistress Fiona about twenty minutes ago.” She pointed to a set of stairs in the back he hadn’t seen.
“Thanks!” Turning around, he was surprised to feel the tail of his duster flip sideways, then a sharp pain on his butt. “Ouch!!” He gave the waitress a dirty look.
“What? You think information is free?” Laughing at his reaction, she walked away.
Quickly running up the stairs, he was glad when the music level dramatically dropped as he reached the top. There was only one door on the landing and he heard a yell come from behind the door.
“Admit it Scorpius! It’s for your own good.” He heard something that sounded distinctly like smacks follow.
“Awe hell…” Trying the doorknob, he wasn’t surprised to find it locked. Taking a couple of steps back, he prepared himself to kick down the door.
“John! I thought you said everything was alright…” Aeryn’s voice came from behind him.
“Aeryn…what the hell are you doing here?”
Sighing, she walked up him, “I was becoming worried. I thought you might want some back up.”
Putting his hand on her shoulder and rubbing it, “Thanks hon…I might need it, someone named ‘Mistress Fiona’ has Scorpius in here. I don’t know why, but I’m about to find out.”
“You’re just going to kick the door down?” She asked as he took a step back.
“Yeah…I didn‘t think to bring my gun with me, didn‘t think I would have blast through any doors. I take it you have yours?” He gave her a sheepish smile as he said the last part.
Smiling back at him, “Of course I did,” she walked over to the side of the doorway, “I’ll just stand over here then.”
Taking a running start, John’s foot hit the door close to the knob, forcing the door open. As the door slammed against the wall, he and Aeryn rushed in to the room, they took three steps inside before they realized the site before them. Scorpius was bound by his hands in the center of the room from straps trailing down from the ceiling. There was a woman, also clad in leather standing in front of Scorpius with a paddle in her hand.
“Get the hell away from him lady!” John yelled as Aeryn pointed her pulse pistol at the woman.
“Do you mind?! You’re interrupting our session!” She yelled in response.
They were surprised when Scorpius laughed, “John…Aeryn, while I appreciate this rescue, there is no need for it. I came here for this. Mistress Fiona is helping me.”
“Wha…You came here...for this?” John said pointing to the straps.
“Untie him…now.” Aeryn said keeping her gun aimed at Mistress Fiona.
Fear began to creep into the woman’s eyes, moving forward, she undid the clasps that bound Scorpius’ hands.
Walking forward as the half-breed was released, John grabbed his arm, “Let’s go. I don’t even want to know what kind crap you got yourself into. Thanks to you…I’m missing out on a night of lovin and the government wants to turn our house into an episode of the Real World.”
As the three of them walked out the door, John heard Mistress Fiona cry out, “I’ll call you Scorpy.”
Two days later:
Sitting at the kitchen table, he sipped his coffee as Aeryn pulled food out of the refrigerator: eggs, salami, hot sauce, anchovies, and mustard. He did a double take when he saw her lay a jar of pig’s feet on the table.
“Are you cleaning the fridge?” He asked already knowing the answer and dreading it.
Looking over her shoulder at him, “No, I’m making breakfast. Would you like something?”
Eyeing the pig’s feet, his stomach rolled, “No thanks hon, I’m going to check on Lil Boy Blue, he’s been pouting downstairs in his bedroom since we pulled him out of that club.”
“Suit yourself, but John you really don’t know what you are missing here.” She said as she began opening up containers.
“Oh, I have a feeling I do. Holler if you want help with anything.” He turned as she nodded her head in agreement and walked down the stairs to the basement they had converted into a bedroom for Scorpius.
Reaching the room, John saw the door open and Scorpius emerge from it, he could have sworn he heard music coming from the room before the door was shut again.
Upon seeing him, Scorpius smiled, “Ah John...I was just going to get you, there is something I wanted to show you.”
“Yes…something that Mistress Fiona has been trying to help me find for several months now.”
“Wait, you’ve been seeing Elvira for months?” He could help the anger that tinged his voice.
“Now, do not get angry John, she has been trying to help me find something I didn’t realize I needed to find. Come…let me show you. She helped me unlock the child I had never been allowed to be…that was the inner demon that I had to release.”
Opening the door with a flourish, Scorpius stood back to let him see into the room. The walls were covered with posters: Backstreet Boys and Barney, the bed was covered with small stuffed bunny rabbits of different variety and color. The CD player in the corner of the room was playing N’Sync.
His jaw dropped as he stared at the room in shock, he heard Scorpius speak, but didn’t understand the words, turning around and looked at him, “Huh?”
“I asked if we could go to the mall today…I understand there is a new shipment of Brittany Spears posters that are suppose to arrive today.”
John immediately turned around screaming, running up the stairs to the first level. He couldn’t stop the screams as he ran past Aeryn in the kitchen and up the stairs to his own room. Aeryn quickly followed him a moment later finding him hiding in the corner muttering. “Pop music bad…Barney bad…gotta make it go away.”