June 5th, 2003

Angel (John)

(no subject)

What a way to wake up...I hate waking up crying.I seemed to be going okay in dreamland when I began dreaming of Christmas time. Not any Christmas that has actually happened but, it was just that day. Me, mom and the kids were just around the house when I looked out the window and turned to the kids and told them they had a surprise coming up the door. Opening the door, I let me sister Tina come in, she was smiling bigtime and gave the kids hugs. She handed them something and said 'this is from the baby.' But Dale (her youngest) was right there.

Tina gave me a smile and a hug and told me she had a present for me...and gave me a locket. I look up and she's gone, I ask mom where did she go, and all mom says is, 'she had to get going.' For some reason, I went through a lot of trouble to find the perfect picture of Tina and I put it in the locket and I gave it to mom and cried. That's when I woke up and I was crying for real.

Goddamn I miss Tina. I know why the dream was set a Christmas and her showing up...I mean she died christmas day. You don't have to be a head doc to see that's why I cooked that day up.

I just can't figure out why now. I've done pretty damn good. Sure, every once in a while something will remind me of her and it chokes me up. But fuck, I've never dreamt of her. Fuck that hurt. I still miss my sissy.