Kaz (kazbaby) wrote,

John Angst-A-Thon

Written for gigerisgod (Eclipse on Kansas). Not exactly what you requested, but girl. This was beyond hard for me to write. But it has lakka, and handcuffs.

ETA: I was sleepy when I posted this so I forgot to add my thanks to thehallway for the beta, scaprred for the push I needed, and kernezelda for making sure it was in the right direction. You girls are the best for listening to me whine about the trouble I had with this.

Set during CBC.

Rated: PG for a few curse words

Shine The Light


Small things. Every day life is made up of small things that irritate and get under your skin.

Small things grow into much larger problems that make me want to stomp on the throttle. Go full speed into that proverbial semi-truck that I’m facing, and not give a fuck about the consequences.

But that’s the coward’s way out. I wasn’t raised to be a coward. So I suck it in, grab a little help from the local witchdoctor and keep on. What I see - feel, or don't feel, doesn't matter at the moment anyway. We’ve got a Leviathan to keep sane while in Tormented Space or it doesn’t matter if I find that great semi in the sky.


I can't - I can't feel my hands, the cuffs are too tight. Trying to lift my arms brings only shooting pain from my shoulders down. My head throbs in time with the beat of the traffic on the other side of the wall. Every voice echoes against the inside of my skull. Pulse, breathing, rapid. I hope I pass out soon.

If I could see, I would know if it was day or night. Know how long it’s been since Ho’ock left me here alone.

“I think you look beautiful just as you are.”

“No, you don't.”

“Mm-hmm, yes I do, the moment I saw you… in the doctor's office.”

My mouth, lips are dry. All I can do is lie here, staring in the dark, and choke. Don’t think of the thirst. Don’t think about it, the bugs crawling up and down my body.

Are they real? I don’t know. The body aches and shaking almost make me forget about them.

I can barely remember the conversation in the club, being carried out, the vague joke that Ho’ock spoke to another officer about how females shouldn’t drink too much.

The darkness is total. I don’t know when I’m asleep and dreaming or awake and hallucinating. Did they get the clams? I’d be dead already if they failed right? Tumii’s words are too far away to remember.

My face is wet. Am I crying? The shaking is worse now, almost constant. I wish someone would bring me something to drink.

If I’d known – known how it would be…

What was I just thinking? There’s someone in the room. I can hear them. Hear them breathing, feel their eyes on me.

“Who’s there?”

There’s no answer, but I can hear them moving toward me.

“Turn on the light so I can see you, dammit!”

The bed barely makes a sound when they sit down on it next to me.

“The lights are on.” The fingers trailing down my face don’t make the bugs go away, only add the feeling of needles pricking my skin in their wake.

I know that voice. It’s deep, rumbling timber rattles away inside my head.

There's only one thing I like more than dancing.


Long, hard… interrogations.

The memory jars. Image of the man fusing itself to the inside of my eyelids. Ho'ock.

"I can't…can't see. What did you do to me?"

He moves closer to me, grabbing my hips and shoving them against himself.

“Nothing, but I do think this condition – will make events even more enjoyable for me.”

Something cool, sharp, is placed at the base of my throat momentarily before my clothing is ripped down the center. The chilled air against bare skin only makes the tremors increase.

“G-get my shipmates, they’ll help me.”

“Why would I do that, my dear?” His hand is on my chest, rubbing, thumb brushing against my nipples, “Unless, you would prefer that I incarcerate them.”

I try hard to buck away from him, but the cuffs keep me in place, there's nowhere to go. I can’t get out the words to protest, throat constricting tighter, air barely making its way through the passageway. All I can do is fall back against the bed, head swimming.

Ho’ock jerks away from me with the sound of a large crash, the sounds of shouting voices and screams of pain that only last a few microts.


Is that Aeryn? “John, answer me. D’Argo. See if you can find the release for these cuffs, they should be somewhere in his uniform.”

“I’m on it.”

Their voices are so damn good to hear.

“Sikozu, sit here beside John.” The bed moves several times, bouncing me back and forth as they sit down on either side of me.

“Aeryn…can’t see. How many days," I try to swallow but can't, it only adds to the tightnes of the muscles, "have I been gone?” I did say that outloud, didn't I?

“It’s only been a few arns. I know about your eyes, Sikozu is the same. You’re almost out of time.”

D’Argo’s voice on my right is too loud when he announces, “Okay, this hand is free. Give him the antidote.”

Did she say arns and not days? “Can’t feel them.”

“Can’t feel what, John,” Aeryn asks as the second cuff is released and from the feel of it, D’Argo helps me sit upright.

“Hands, cuffs too tight.”

“Sikozu. Take his hand and I’ll help him drink this.”

Whatever is in the cup is beyond foul smelling, and I can’t help but turn away, vomiting at my side.

Hands pull me back up and I hear D’Argo complaining about how he hates when I do that.

“Just hold your breath, John, and drink.”

“Can’t w-we do this on the ship?” I know I sound like a kid, but right now I don’t feel so hot, and I just want out of his room, off this fucking bed.

“No, neither you nor Sikozu can see and time is running out for both of you. You have to hold each other’s hand for four arns before you’re safe.” Aeryn lifts my hand and places it on something warm. “Hold onto him, Sikozu or this will not work.”

I do as she says and gulp down the liquid without stopping, but her voice, the sounds of the room, along with those outside are fading and now I just want to sleep.

“John, stay with me. We’re going to be all right.”

Are my eyes closing? Maybe I should ask someone.

The End
Tags: fic
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